Pizza Delivery

Cut To My Core

Yesterday, I’m coming up a street on my way to a delivery, and some moron jumps out right in front of me and proceeds to go a whopping 25. There was no one behind me for at least half a mile. So I’m yelling (through the glass), “Really? Really? You couldn’t wait? Fucking moron!” I seriously hate when that happens. If you’re going to cut me off at least do the speed I was going or faster. If you have no intention of going as fast or faster, wait. Seriously, he would have had to wait 2 seconds for me to pass. Why is it that those two seconds are so important that he has all the time in the fucking world to go 25? I don’t get it.

At the top of the street, it happens again from another moron. Keep in mind that my car does 0-60 in about 5.5 seconds and can beat a Porsche Boxster as well as 90 % of the cars on the road. So I’m not exactly one of the slow ones on the road. Every time this happens it feels a little like someone yanked a choke chain around my neck. The next guy had the decency to go about as fast as I was going, so I was less annoyed. Annoyed that he did it, but not really annoyed at his pace.

So I get to my delivery, get my tip, get in my car and head back. I’m coming down the road the pizza place is on and a woman comes flying out of a side street without stopping, signaling, or even looking. A few seconds later and I would have hit her, and it would have been entirely her fault. Moron number three. We get to the light where the pizza place is, and just as it turns green and she starts down the street I give her the finger to let her know what I think of her driving. It’s a small consolation, but if it’s that or nothing, I’ll take giving the bird every time.

I don’t think people realize how many of these scary on the road stories there are. Literally hundreds. You can’t imagine the number of ways we almost die delivering you hot food quickly. But we do it. We do it for the tips. Remember that.

FYI: My blood pressure is always perfect when I go to the doctor. I don’t know how or why, I just know that it is. Maybe because I get mad, then get over it. I don’t carry this stuff around. That would be bad. You’ve heard of going postal, right? You don’t ever want a driver going mental like that. Trust me on that one folks, it wouldn’t be pretty.

The Driver (Adam Smith)

© Adam Smith and drivershout.wordpress.com, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Adam Smith and drivershout.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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“Kick Rocks” Pizza Delivery Nightmares by Adam Smith is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

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Pizza Delivery

Blinded By The Light

So I’m driving, and a car pulls out behind me and wouldn’t you know it, the bastard has his high beams on. Ask anyone who knows me, my number on pet peeve on the road is high beams. I think these people should be pulled over, dragged into the woods, and beaten into submission with a blunt object. Then said blunt object should be used to smash their headlights and every window on their car. Yeah, it gets me mad. I can just barely tolerate it when it’s someone coming towards me since I can try to focus on the side of the road, even though that’s a pretty stupid skill to learn when the object is to keep your eyes on the road. But when it’s behind me that really gets me. I’m driving. I can flip my rear-view mirror down, but then I have to fumble with my side view mirrors, while I’m trying to pay attention to the road. For just this purpose I put those aftermarket ultra bright headlights in my car. I think they burn at 5000K, maybe 7000K. I can’t remember. So what I usually do is pull quickly over to the side of the road, let them pass, then quickly get behind them and FLOOD their car with my brights. Lucky for them, I don’t do it for long as I don’t want to blind people coming who didn’t do anything wrong.
It’s even more annoying when someone does it during the day or at dusk, or even in high ambient light areas like the middle of cities. Those people I just want to push off a cliff, then drop their car off to finish the job.

The Driver (Adam Smith)

© Adam Smith and drivershout.wordpress.com, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Adam Smith and drivershout.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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“Kick Rocks” Pizza Delivery Nightmares by Adam Smith is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

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Pizza Delivery

Zen Of A Pissed Off Driver

The first time I delivered pizza, I was 24, unemployed, and at the end of my rope. I was My mother suggested I check out the local pizza place to see if they would hire me. I didn’t want to do it and kept thinking, “What kind of loser delivers pizza?” As it turned out, it was me. What I didn’t realize at the time was how much I could make doing just that. I think that first night I worked from 5 to 10 pm, got paid an hourly rate of $6 an hour (this was in 1994), and made twice that amount in tips alone. I made about $100 in 5 hours. $20 an hour by today’s standards isn’t bad, but can you imagine making that much as a 20 something in 1994? At the end of the night when I counted my cash I was stunned at how much I had in my wallet. I didn’t tell my parents how much I made, but I didn’t complain about the advice my mother had given me either.

Since then, I have gone back to college, gotten a degree, worked in several salaried (professional) positions, and even owned my own pizza place. But the most money I have ever made in my life was delivering pizza. I worked for a very large franchise at their world headquarters doing technical support and started at $35,000. Delivering pizza I make on average about $50,000 a year, sometimes more. The professional job I had to dress in slacks, shirt and tie, shoes, and had rigid expectations. The delivery jobs, I got to show up in jeans, a tee-shirt, boots, and had a very relaxed working environment (compared to other jobs). It isn’t rocket science which one is better.

I know everyone wants to say they’re working towards the future, have a 401K, medical, vacations, a house, a dog, 2.5 children, etc, but at the end of the day I’d rather start at a level in pay it will take the other guy 10 years to achieve, and figure out my own game plan for the long-run.

I don’t want to mislead anyone, though, while it is better in my mind, there are a lot of downsides to delivering pizza as well.

First off, you use your own car and beat the hell out of it for minimum wage.

Second, you risk your life each and every time you get behind the wheel for anything. Drivers are on the roads ALL DAY. Our odds of getting in an accident are much higher than the average person’s.

Third, we drive in all kinds of weather: snow, rain, extreme heat or cold; we’re out there.

Fourth, most customers don’t look at us as what we are: waiters who drive their food to them. We should get at least a 20% tip all the time, but for some reason some people seem to think that delivering food in all sorts of conditions on time is easier than a waiter taking it from the kitchen and walking it to the table.

Fifth, and last, there are all sorts of things we have to deal with from unhappy owners, to hazardous conditions, to other drivers, and even getting robbed or killed. Customers should look at us like we’re two steps above a waiter and tip us accordingly. Waiters, after all, often have food runners who actually deliver the food while all they do is take the order and bring drink refills.

Still, if you can work out a system at a good place in a good area, you can make a lot of money and have a lot more freedom than you might somewhere else.

In the rest of the pages I will go through different stories and scenarios to let people know some of the things we have to deal with and hopefully help people to make our lives easier by ensuring they show us the same respect we show them by giving us a good tip.

The Driver (Adam Smith)

© Adam Smith and drivershout.wordpress.com, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Adam Smith and drivershout.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Page copy protected against web site content infringement by Copyscape

Creative Commons License
“Kick Rocks” Pizza Delivery Nightmares by Adam Smith is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License

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